Tristan's Reply

Florida Statute 72.431:  "Any officer of the court may, in his or her discretion, create words to be used solely for the purpose of appeal.  These words shall not not exist in any English language dictionary."

 

F.S. 72.430, Definitions:  "Officer of the court:  all those who, in some degree in function of their professional or similar qualifications, have a legal part in the complex functioning of the judicial system as a whole, in order to forge justice out of the application of the law and the simultaneous pursuit of the legitimate interests of all parties and the general good of society."  The court has found this definition to include attorneys.

Things not to do as a real lawyer

 

 1. Include nonexistent words in your (amended) appellate brief. 

 

Plaintiff cannot "undoubtably" do anything. 

Song Review--A Little Late

Has anyone ever realized how absolutely horrible the lyrics are to
"Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven?

I feel like that's some student's answer to the assignment "Write the
cheesiest song you can think of." We had an assignment like that in
writing class once, but that's different because, in my case, the
professor reminded us NOT to use it in real life.

'Biner, sometimes called a D-ring.

I just had the ridiculous urge to tell someone I really liked their
carabiner. It's even weirder because it wasn't a particularly nice
carabiner.

Miracle

I have found where all the attractive men in Pensacola are hiding. The
airport.

Same subject:
Mediations are not as boring as previously expressed. Scratch that and
make it, "Opening presentations are extremely boring; especially
because lawyers like the sound of their own voice more than I like ice
cream. And that's a lot (as expressed by the inequality below).

Most people's love of puppies < Lawyers' love for their voice >
Claudia's love for ice cream > Most people's love of breathing."

Mediation is Boring

But I've learned lots of things. Like, "He's just a whore with letters
after his name."

More to come, I'm sure.

My boss is wearing the Platonic form of a shoe.